We all have limits and boundaries in our lives. We’re surrounded by them. Laws and rules, things that we set and those other people set for us. These alter every aspect of our lives and guide us down the path we decide to take in our lives. In the BDSM community, setting your limits and boundaries is very important. The relationship you enter in to when you declare yourself submissive to a Dominant partner, is a power exchange that requires trust and honesty, on the part of the Mistress and on your part as the submissive.
You have to look at yourself and know where you want to go, or at least where you believe you want to go and where you don’t want to go. Then you must be very honest with your dominant partner, letting them know just what you are thinking and where you are at emotionally and sexually. Now, I know that you’re thinking this isn’t possible, because you are either just starting out with them or you are brand new to the scene completely and just don’t know for certain where you are interested in going or exactly what they might have in mind that would excite you. That is completely okay! In BDSM there are different types of limits and boundaries.
The first set are called Hard Limits of Defined Boundaries. This is something you should discuss before any type of BDSM play begins. Limits of this sort are ones that you already know you do not want your partner to cross, no matter what. These are like walls that you are safe on the other side of. You know, once you have stated these limits, that no matter how close to them your partner seems to be coming they will NOT cross them. These are boundaries that are non-negotiable. You don’t want to cross them and your partner may have some as well that they are not willing to cross. This is the beginning point of the D/s relationship.
Soft limits or Moveable Boundaries sound very different but really are not. They aren’t the opposite of hard limits, but instead a slightly less solid line in the sand. These are still limits that your and your partner respect, but are more often ones that you expect to change, as opposed to Hard limits that are assumed to be permanent. For example if you had never been blindfolded, you may make that a soft limit, something that you might be interested in trying, but simply hadn’t and therefore were uncertain about. This soft limit might change mid-session. If you are feeling especially comfortable you could always say you were ready for the blindfold, or ball gag, or handcuffs, or whatever it was that you originally were unsure you would like to try.
These limits and boundaries are all very important to the BDSM lifestyle. While they can be changed and adapted to fit the desires and needs of the relationship, they do ultimately protect you from being pushed further than you are ready for in the heat of the moment. While most D/s relationships are built on being safe and sane, some are not and this set of limits and boundaries let you know that your wishes will be respected. As a Dominatrix, no submissive without some boundaries is safe or sane and as a submissive, any Dominant partner who will not allow you to set your own limits is safe or sane. You can find out a lot about a potential partner during these negotiations.
Whether you choose to have many boundaries or a few, they are your choice. If your limits change, that also is something you decide not something that is decided for you. Some submissive partners change their limits frequently, others never do, same with Dominant partners. Regardless of how you decide or why you choose to make certain limits out of bounds, they are your choices. None of which need to be explained in a healthy D/s relationship. Above all, boundaries are there not to limit your fun, but rather to allow you to have fun without worry!